Conscious Conception pt.1

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Gregg and I conceived our precious Babe on April 18th – the evening of the Pink Full Moon. This energetically significant time of the Pink Moon signifies stability. With its arrival, it brings the security to crystallize changes and transform them into permanent improvements.

A few weeks prior to conception, Gregg had gone to an Ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica. He felt called by this master healer to go deeper into his being so that he could heal the pain and traumas that were actively overflowing into every aspect of his existence. After many years and despite his efforts with various modalities of healing (talk therapy, yoga, meditation, shadow work, raw plant based foods, etc) he couldn’t seem to get out of his own way. His mind kept circling back to old ways of being that had been molded to him since he was a child – ways centered in separation, anger, mistrust, and pain. When I suggested calling on Mother Aya, he resonated instantly and was eager to work in union with the wisdom of our plant community. Before his flight, we traveled to Death Valley for a few days so he could turn inward and unwind before the upcoming ceremonies. It was fitting to begin such a transformative journey in a place of death and rebirth.

Upon Gregg’s return from Costa Rica, he shared that the best thing that had ever happened to him was his injury – where he spent 5 1/2 days in the Sierra Nevada backcountry surviving and tending to an open compound fracture of his tibia and fibia. With eyes full of emotion, he said it was the best thing that happened to him because from those events, he got to meet me and begin his journey of healing and loving. He said that the 4 Ayahuasca ceremonies were the second best thing he’s ever done.

When Gregg returned, he started talking and sharing in a way he hadn’t ever done before. When he had a problem or was having a hard time, he’d tell me and we’d talk about it so he wasn’t alone. For the first time, he started truly sharing his life with me. I was gifted an inner seat to his thoughts and emotions. He shared where his mind would wander and how it made him feel. In this space of communion and connection we walked together as one.

Among the many topics we unpacked together, he lovingly shared that he was finally ready to call in a baby with me. When he spoke, his excitement burst through his body and you could both see and feel his joy radiating throughout the room. Having a child was something that the two of us had talked about for years. He had struggled immensely with the idea of being a father because he didn’t want to model the same anger and pain that was so prevalent in his upbringing. But after his experiences in Costa, he knew that not only was he ready to help usher in a new soul, but he was ready to do so joyously. He wanted to create a family, and have it be OUR family. A sacred union built on the foundation of love, peace, curiosity and co-creation. A foundation where all aspects of our being (mind, body, heart, and spirit) are nourished and tended after with honor and love. A space where our intuition and heart lead the way instead of societal norms. He was ready.

The day we conceived, we awoke and started cooking together – our routine. We sauted onions and garlic with sweet potatoes. He collected 3 fresh eggs from the girls and included them in his breakfast. We ate outside on the picnic table, blanketed under the shade from the swaying trees. Bees were pollinating the flowers and their golden dust shimmered around us like specks of magic. After eating, we went inside and put on music that had been remixed with the meditation teacher Burgs. Our bare feet softly padded along the ground with the rhythmic beat. It was one of the first times Gregg had really payed attention to the lyrics and he was eager to hear more. Side by side, we found a 30 min guided meditation by Burgs and settled into our breath. High on the clarity that meditation provides, we hopped into the bathtub and let the fresh water cleanse our bodies. While pouring water over me, he told me how he wanted to go into the bedroom and make love. I was in the final stages of healing from a UTI and told him not today, but that we could make-out. With a twinkle in his eyes, the corners of his mouth parted into a grin.

Gregg gingerly helped me out of the tub and dried me off. I ran into the bedroom and hopped onto the bed eager with excitement. He followed on top of me, his cool body pressed tightly into mine. He kissed me passionately with a newfound vigor and assurance of purpose. He stopped, and put his hand up to my face, softly stoking my cheek. He said he wanted to make love while staring into each other’s eyes the whole time. He said he wanted to learn energy more intimately. He wanted to feel it and see it. He wanted to go deeper, to feel what I feel, see what I see. He started kissing my entire body. The fire emanating from him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. His tongue traced the scars covering my bare skin from the numerous surgeries I’d undergone. Before he moved on, he gently left each one with a kiss. A purposeful, “I love you, I’m healing you kiss.” He made his way across my body and started going down on me. The energy was so restorative and intense I couldn’t help but grab his chin by his stubbly beard and bring him up to me. With one hand wrapped around the small of his neck and the other searching, I grabbed him and put him inside of me. We began thrusting and holding one another tightly. “Hug me tighter.” he said. I gladly enclosed my arms over his now steaming body and pressed him as close into me as I could. This wasn’t sex. This was the sacred exchange of love and energy that creates entire universes. This was two individuals coming together in purity and giving all of themselves to the other. This was a gift. I envisioned all of my chakras opening and I pulled him even closer as hues of reds, greens, blues, yellows, purples etc danced in my field of vision. I had done this countless times before, but this time, it was as if Gregg was also doing the same. All of him was open and flowing.

“Do you want me to come inside or pull out and be all over you?” He asked. With nothing but trust and love I replied, “The choice is yours, what ever you want.” We had talked about this many times. There was no pressure. He knew that I would be ecstatic either way. He smiled and tears of beauty welled up in his eyes. We started thrusting deeper, soft and slow, yet deliberate and gentle. Our eyes entangled into the very soul of the other. “Baby, baby, baby, baby…” His eyes grew wide. The black of his pupils took over the deep blue of his iris. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I repeated as his body shuddered and his muscles spasmed momentarily. Our eyes never left one another. We both instantly knew that this sacred ceremony we created had welcomed in a Babe. We stayed, peering into the depths of our love for eternity. Then Gregg looked up and Tank dog was inches from our heads staring at us with curiosity. Smiling, he turned his attention back on me and stated, “Do you think we made a baby.” “It’s more likely than not,” I replied with tears of adoration in my eyes. He put his head into my chest and left a trail of endless fast paced kisses upon my dewy skin. When he was done, he kissed my forehead and got up. Looking around, he found his shirt and tenderly placed it under me to soak up our love. He padded off into the bathroom to shave and get ready for work while I corralled the chickens back into their coop. I drove him across town to his job, all the while our hands entwined. Smiles plastered on both of our faces. Love emanating from the two of us. “I’ve got you.” I whispered internally to the baby growing inside of me. “I love you. We love you.”

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Love lead the way for this wise soul to touch down and grace our lives. While trust created a space of purity for the two of us to come together and co-create an environment founded in honor and respect for the gifts this precious one has to share. The intention and energy that freely pulsed through the two of us created such a highly charged atmosphere that we wanted to share our story. We want the purity of intimacy (into me you see) to be cultivated so that it becomes the norm.

Sex is so much more than racy exploits. It is the union of two souls coming together to create. What you create is determined by both parties intentions. The energy generated from two beings coming together has the ability to change worlds. With intention, you can use that raw energy to heal, to manifest, to go deeper into the existence of life. The possibilities are infinite.

You are Loved. You ARE Love.

Love’s Language – Who I Am

“Understanding is deeper than knowledge. There are many people who know us, but very few who understand us.”

My existence in this beautiful world is unique, and lately I have been having a notably difficult time. The loving and embracing space I hold for myself and others is second nature. I do not try to be loving, I just am. The difficulty I am experiencing isn’t because I myself am having a hard time, within me there is immense peace and joy. But it is difficult because those around me are struggling. It becomes challenging for me when, day in and day out, I am surrounded by the darkness of ignorance. Instead of witnessing people reflecting the miraculous nature of our soul, I am surrounded by a shadow born of control and fear. This man-made existence we hail is built on the destruction of the individual and inadvertently the collective. In this game, we play our hands with such vigor that when we are told to blindly follow orders we happily agree. We give away not only our livelihoods, but more importantly our thoughts about who and what we are. We have become so fractured that we look to the systems who broke us with the hope of repair – yet it only breeds more insecurity. We have been methodically indoctrinated with the victim mentality. We look to our oppressors, the ones who cage our intellect and shackle our creative spirit, for the answers. Any system that perpetuates isolation and fear, leads to the further destruction of not only our humanity, but this very existence.

I see the pain that reigns down when unresolved grief transforms into anger. I see that anger directed at those who are close to us, those who are different from us, and those whom we haven’t even met. I see a complete and utter disregard for life. We do not cherish this loving earth we belong to. We do not cherish our family members nor hold them with the embrace of openness. We do not cherish ourselves. The thoughts we think are polluted. They arise from the hollow fragmentation of lies and deceit we are systematically spoon fed from those in “control.” The foods we ingest are laced with chemicals and empty nutrients. As a society, we are so exhausted with soul-numbing stimuli that we forgo most anything of quality. But for me, it goes much deeper than seeing the pain; I actively feel the pain as if it were my own, because it is.

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Everything in our existence is intrinsically connected. In the words of Muir, “When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.” Now, people know this to be true, yet we repeatedly fail in understanding the depth and truth of our unity with not only each other, but with everything there ever has been, is, and will be. The scope of life itself is so grand that most folks can’t even fathom the degree of our existence. When was the last time you contemplated an infinite reality? When was the last time you thought about the meaning of your life? The meaning of it all?

Our system is designed to keep us busy in an attempt to control us. We have been mined through culture, structured education, religious institutions, jobs, media, government etc with the hopes that we’ve developed enough to repeat only we we’ve been taught. If we question the teachings themselves, the system has failed. It’s masterfully crafted in that it is self-sufficient and that it does an incredible job at keeping people in check. Those with differing opinions and ways of living are made to feel as outcasts, not only by our society, but also by our friends and family.

If our teachers (education, government, religion, etc) make us feel bad about ourselves, we MUST look else where.

The foundation of our current world is built upon the blocks of fear, control, and self-doubt. We have detention centers that masquerade as schools. We are taught what to think, not how to think. This molds our decision making process for the rest of our lives.

We have religions that brainwash us into believing we are guilty and unworthy. Where priests and nuns abusively harness the energy of innocent children. Yet when these crimes are committed by those in power, such as priests/bishops/etc there are no ramifications. We blindly follow a set of beliefs that externalizes, commodifies and confuses its practitioners. Ask yourself: why does a “holy” one get to inflict such devastating harm? And why are they protected by the highest orders which control most of the world? Unconditional love IS NOT jealousy, harm, guilt, fear, suffering, penance, or profit.

We belong to a miraculous Earth. She freely provides her inhabitants with everything we need to not only survive, but thrive. We have nutritious and healthy food that grows from her soil- free of charge. We have pure water that flows- free of charge. We have an entire landmass that is ours – free of charge. We should not have to “pay our dues” to society by purchasing food that is contaminated with poisons. We should not have to trade money (read: time and energy) for life giving water laced with plastics, heavy metals, and chemicals. We should not have man-made borders that dictate where we are allowed to live. We should not have to pay for housing nor insurance (this is based on the principal of lack). We should not have politics and a government that is ruled by corrupt individuals – or anyone for that matter. We should not have prison systems that punish through hatred. Every aspect of our current paradigm is founded on a system of fear and separation. We are outgrowing this version of reality and before this system re-centers itself, it has to collapse so that it can breath life into a more embracing and loving existence. This collapse we’re going through is essential for a new model to emerge, but it is painful because we resist change.

When we are born we do not recognize boundaries – they are forced upon us. We are taught separation and in these teachings, we lose touch with the purity of Oneness, the purity that everything is intrinsically connected to one another. The beauty of it is, is that we never lose that original connectedness we once felt, it merely appears that way. For we cannot lose something that we once possessed. This is why we feel such a deep longing to connect… only most of us aren’t consciously aware of what exactly we’re longing for – Unity. When we fully understand the wisdom of a world that creates through polarity ie opposites, everything falls into place. It’s not that our parents or family-unit taught division so that they could suppress us. For they were unaware themselves and they were doing the best they knew how.

Our entire lives we have been creating through resistance. It all begins with our emotions. We live in a society that glorifies repressing our feelings. We have been indoctrinated with the false belief that to be strong we must disown and neglect an essential element of what it means to be human – the element of feeling. We have taught our boys that it is a sign of weakness when we express our true selves. And in doing this, our men project their shadow upon women by devaluing the female when she communicates. One of the biggest obstacles we face, is that we have gone so long suppressing ourselves that when we finally tune into our emotions and give ourselves the space to freely experience, we are flooded with years of trauma, guilt, shame, doubt, and pain. Generally, these emotions are looked upon with negativity. We are conditioned that is it unhealthy to feel anything other than happiness, and if we do then our society labels us as defective. Instead of allowing our fellow humans to experience pain in an open and embracing environment we teach them that it isn’t okay to feel “bad.” They must be healed. We view a “depressed” member of society as an outcast, because we’re not able to recognize their depression is a direct reflection of the fractured world we currently belong it. We fail to recognize the immense beauty in our pain. For our despair would not exist if deep down we didn’t remember the unified and loving existence we were born from. We will return to this state of Oneness – the state of Love.

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However, in order for our internal turmoil to resolve, we must begin the process of reconnecting and rejoining with all aspects that make us human. We must honor our feelings, we must honor our thoughts, we must honor our heart, and we must honor our body. When we practice the art of honoring and embracing ourselves, these fragmented pieces rejoin and we begin to experience our true nature. Forgiveness is one of our greatest abilities. This seemingly simple gift has the potential to heal All. When we forgive, we release. And when we release, we regain the ability to love. Happiness, joy, bliss, flow, harmony, unity, and love begin to emerge. And when we feel these internal states, we outwardly express them to others. When we work on ourselves, we literally heal the world because everyone and everything is connected.

My path is different from most, because I actively see and feel the joy and pain of life around me. I understand people. I know why they respond and react the way they do and I have compassion and love for all of them… yes ALL of them. I can quite literally see how each event and decision in life leads us to this point and more often than not I can see where the path of that trajectory leads. I frequently know what people are going to say before they say it, but more importantly, I know why they say and feel the way they do. I am absolutely fascinated by life… truly, almost “obsessively” fascinated. It doesn’t matter if there is a “positive” or a “negative” event. I have a deep desire and need to understand it – I find this experience on Earth captivating. I do not view others through the lens of “good” nor “bad” but rather through the lens of intense curiosity with this experience we call life. This does not mean I do not get upset or experience extreme emotional pain at the atrocities committed against ourselves and the world, quite the opposite. It’s just I understand why people live in such disharmony. Many say there is a fine line when you have the ability to hold both a love and understanding for “terrible” acts while simultaneously feeling pain of everyone involved. But for me, I do not try and it is not challenging. I can’t not do it. It is my nature. My purpose, in this existence, is not only to extend and hold the space of love for myself and others, but to be Love Ourselves.

The space I create within myself is the easiest to cultivate – it’s who I am. I do not try… I simply AM. At my core, I do not live in fear nor operate from a space of lack or limitations. I function in the expanse cultivated with the building blocks of love, hope, peace, unity, empathy, compassion, beauty, and truth. Do I sometimes have “negative” self-talk? Yes, but when these silver toothed words speak insecurities throughout my mind, I know they do not belong to me. I know they are the product of living in a culture that actively breeds doubt and the decay of our souls. And when these brittle thoughts appear, I heal the fractures they cause by loving myself deeper. By telling myself how beautiful I am and by focusing on this wonderfully unique expression of Us that is Me.

You see, I personally know what it’s like to live in a realm where you are absolute truth, unity, and love. And the truth is, Oneness is not the ultimate truth – it’s Nothing. It’s the Void. To give it a name is to belittle and distort it’s truth. When we define something, what we are actually doing is separating it further from Wholeness. When we define, we move in a direction further from God Ourselves, Source, the Universe, Consciousness… what ever you want to call it. What we call reality is such an infinitesimal part of existence that it’s both laughable and extremely frustrating. It’s frustrating in the sense that most everyone plays their part in this reality with such passion that they forget (or haven’t waken up to) what really matters… Love – not the everyday dramas we immerse ourselves in. But, there is such a profound beauty in the passion that arises from these dramas.

For most of my life, I felt alone among people. I grow and evolve at such an accelerated rate that often times I am not the same being when I go to sleep as I was when I awoke. For me, the passage of time in relation to 24 hours can feel worlds apart… because it is. I have never been one to fit in with our society or even my “family” for that matter, but I have never been ostracized either. I am accepted and cherished among everyone I meet. I do not dislike people and in my entire 28 years I’ve only ever had a handful (less than one hand) of folks who do not like me. And all of those have been resolved.

My feeling of loneliness among humans arises when I am misunderstood. Which happens almost daily because people are only able to understand based on their current level of experience. The adage of “your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me” couldn’t be more true. Often times, in an effort to connect with people, I share the events that have occurred in my life. And without fail, my venting gets misinterpreted. I can energetically see and feel the distortion occur. It is then I come to a crossroad – I can attempt to explain my point of view to a person who is not in a space to hold that same vantage point of pure fascination, or I can let them vent and explain what they would do in my situation. The advice I receive, more often than not, stems from their space of internal lack. But advice was never what I wanted. What I crave is for another person to go down the rabbit hole with me about the oddities of human expression and to help brainstorm more effective ways of getting through to people.

But the resolutions that get conveyed to me would inevitably lead to more isolation and turmoil. I am left with a sense of wanting to hug my friends because as much as I want everyone to be able to understand the depths of love, at this point all I can do is continue to demonstrate it. That demonstration means not getting upset that people continue to misunderstand me, and by proceeding to love them in their brokenness. And in this, I am lonely.

Almost always, our “resolutions” contain the projection of grief and anger which inhibits the true healing that is needed for a final resolution. But a resolution of Love and Oneness is not going to occur unless we heal that grief and pain within ourselves. When we heal ourselves, we heal the world. And once we heal ourselves, we come back to heal others because we understand that we are all connected. There is no separation.

When I vent, it is from a place of extreme intrigue and perplexion which often results in a deep sadness for humanity. Internally, this has already played out:

“How can people be so mean?”

“You know exactly how. We grow up in a world where we are taught to resist instead of integrate.”

“But loving is so easy.”

“But every part of our society pushes division.”

“But it feels so good to love.”

“But hurt people, hurt people and most people haven’t experienced real love.”

“I feel so sad for them. I feel so sad for us. It hurts.”

“It is your job to help them… only if they want help.”

“They say they want help but they resist it.”

“They resist it because everywhere they turn they are faced with a reality that stokes the fire of insecurity and the false premise of control.”

“But they know they don’t really have control!”

“Yes, but they lie to themselves.”

“But they know deep down they are lying!”

“Lying feels better than diving into all of the pain that would result if they honestly examined themselves and their motives.”

“But if they don’t examine it now, it’s going to get worse for everyone.”

“Yes. It needs to break down completely so it can be built from a new foundation.”

“But it’s so simple. Be kind. Be truthful. Be yourself. I know, I know. Hold the space of Love and love them no matter what. The more I heal myself, the more I heal them… It’s just lonely.”

“You are never alone.”

This post is created with the spirit of communicating who and what I am, so that it will be easier for others to understand. Ultimately, I hope this glimpse into my life can be used as a blueprint for people to further discover themselves.

The 2 people that comprehend me most in this world, still have profound misinterpretations. When I ask them if they know the reasoning behind my actions, it is often times diluted and misconstrued. Thus the loneliness in connecting in a like-minded fashion with my fellow humans continue. Notice, my loneliness is only connected to other people. This is because I know I am not truly alone. I feel and see the presence of many other beings around me. I also know I could never be alone because… I am You. We are God. You are Loved. You ARE Love.

Frequently I tell my partner, “the deeper I go down this path, the less “Sara” I become.” What this really means, is that the things that made Sara…Sara… are no longer needed. For instance, I used to want dogs, clothes, cars, crystals, jobs etc but then you realize there is absolutely no separation, and we are all One, and so you already have everything you need. You are completely Whole. I am all the people on the planet. The planet itself. The stars. The galaxy. And if you want to go deeper, all of the other dimensions and beings and time itself and the void ourself. So, then you stay in that frame of mind for a bit. Because you know that you already have everything you could possibly want, because you ARE everything you could possibly want. But then, since we exist in a 3D reality, this also means that I, Sara, do not have certain things. And so you come back and play the game. Knowing that it IS a game and that you don’t truly need any of these things because you already have them. Your attachment is dissolved. That’s when pure joy comes into play. But the deeper I go in my journey… the less Sara I become…

For awhile now, I knew I was going to change my name. And a few weeks ago, I did. My life progresses in such a fashion that I can’t NOT keep diving deeper. It’s as if I am being pulled with the strength of strength itself – and strength is born from Love. And wouldn’t you know it, my name evolved into Love. This is who we all are, and most importantly this is who I am. I am Love.

Now, imagine having your name be Love. On a global scale, we do not understand the depth and purity from which we are created. We are so detached from love that it truly makes us uncomfortable. Love is all-embracing and often times we fall woefully short. Love is unconditional. I love because I can’t not love. It literally is who I am. People hurt me and I love them. People hurt other people and I love them. This doesn’t mean I don’t get upset or sad. It’s that I KNOW the pain that these people felt that allowed them to inflict that pain on others. I also know that since there is no separation, I am also that person, that Hitler, that Trump, that Stalin. Now hang with me, since time is an illusion, and there is no such thing as the past, present, or future… when I love these individuals… when I love myself (because we are all One) we actively change reality. There is only the present moment and in that moment, we have the ability to alter both the past and the future.

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People become uneasy when I introduce myself. They fidget. They look at me questioningly. They don’t want to use my name. We are currently living in a world that is so detached from loving themselves that we can’t even bring ourselves to address someone with the name of Love. It simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me love you even more.

We believe love is an emotion. We want love to look a certain way. It should be soft and cuddly. It should be cute. It’s almost as if we want to dress it up. But we all know when we dress things up, we make them in our image. An image that is often distorted. We think we want love, but what most people really want is for someone to pacify us, while we simultaneously execute control over another person. We are in so much pain because we are trying to control everyone. But this will never work because individually (collectively) we all have free will. If we even knew the half of our power… what a different existence this would be…
True love is unconditional. We do not love with the expectation that we get something in return. We love because we can’t not love. It is who we are. It is what we are. With love there are no boundaries. We seek to dissolve illusions through truth. We do not care about going against the status quo, we care that the truth is set free. Love speaks up against injustice – involving others and ourselves. Love is not necessarily a “fluffy” or “feel good” emotion. Love is a state of being. Love is fierce and fiery yet calm and all embracing. Love is what ever you need us to be to help you discover your own light. Love bears all, believes all, hopes all, and endures all.

Now, I’m not claiming absolute purity or truth… I am also human. I mess up – a lot. But this is my path and because I am walking it, inadvertently so are you. I am sending out a call to consciousness. Will you join me? I am You. We are God. You are Loved. You ARE Love.

I love you,

Love

Who Determines Your Identity?

This evening I was having a conversation about the recent Johnson and Johnson lawsuit that ended up with the company being ordered to pay 4.7 billion dollars in damages because of known asbestos in their talc (baby) powder that has been causing cancer and death for decades. There have been many cover-ups, bribes and removal of negative scientific findings for over 40 years that enabled them to continue operating under their guise of “putting the needs and well being of the people we serve first” which is further followed up with, “our credo is more than just a moral compass. We believe it’s a recipe for business success.” This company has been knowingly placing carcinogens in their products at the expense of their customers health and wallets. Yet, this post isn’t about the brand Johnson and Johnson. They are only one of hundreds, if not thousands, of companies that regularly conduct immoral and unethical business practices. This post could just have easily have been about any number of the disturbing practices that occur on a daily basis throughout the world. This post goes deeper, it delves into the systemic thinking we tend to hold about ourselves and the way we view our place in this world.

Near the end of the conversation, of which we were both on board with the atrocities being committed against humanity for a profit, I mentioned how our current administration is rolling back laws that had been set up to hold companies monetarily accountable for their hazardous environment practices. How “environmental protections” were being stripped and corporations were no longer being held responsible for their blatant disregard for life -whether it be human, animal, plant, earth or our unique space in the universe we collectively inhabit. Upon mentioning “Our Current Administration” I was combativly met with “Well, those laws didn’t stop them anyway.”

HOLD ON.

Instead of being on the same wavelength, a united front against injustice, we have now been separated. The argument that it didn’t stop them is then inherently followed by, “if the laws didn’t work anyways, why does it matter? People are always going to act in unsavory ways.” So does this mean we get rid of all laws that have been put in place to hinder corruption? In a perfect world, yes, laws become superfluous. But in our current thought structure, there is still a place for them. Our conversation went from being collectively appalled to inadvertently defending large corporations and the rollback of laws which were an attempt to hold powers at be accountable- rollbacks pushed forth by the very businesses that profit (or lose profits) because of said laws.

Unfortunately, in this uniquely chaotic society we belong to, this flawed defensive stance is all too commonplace. I understand that large corporations are going to continue this practice until eventually a new and more wholesome system is woven into our culture. But until then, these laws are put into place in hopes of deterring immoral practices and fining power-hungry individuals. It is a broken systems’ attempt at righting a wrong via the same aggressive tactics that lead us to the problem in the first place – separation.

Now, I respect this person. This post isn’t to call this individual out, but rather address a much larger systemic problem. Why, when we feel our beliefs are being threatened (such as their choice in politics), must we protect those whom we know in our hearts are causing great harm? All too often we place our identity in mass belief systems – centers of thought control that tell us what to think without we, ourselves, questioning their antics. Therefore, we begin to lose the humanity of which we truly belong. When we are not solid in our own beliefs, when we blindly follow the masses, when our train of thought has become so narrow that we forget we have the option of asking entirely new questions outside the current model, that is when we hit a blind wall. A wall that separates us from what our hearts tell us is right. A wall that insists we adhere to the norm or be perceived as heretics. A wall that separates the soul (mind, body and heart) from not only the individual, but the collective. This problem is rooted so deeply that this wall is not only figurative, but also literal. The boundaries we place on geographic regions, the discrimination of race, religion, gender etc. This wall aids in the further contamination of greed, hostility, fear, ignorance and violence into our daily lives.

We have become so entrenched in the current format of controlled “self-expression” that we back the very system that suppresses us. Why, do we as a whole, feel that when someone questions a topic regarding our political climate, that we ourselves are being threatened? Our identity is so closely entwined with this black and white version of reality that anything other than “our side” must be directly attacking our personal beliefs. Why must we be so close-minded that the very mention of a differing viewpoint sets off an egoic battle in which an individual feels they must stand their ground? Whos ground are we really upholding? If we are to create a more loving reality we must let go of these thought patterns that have carved their way into not only our daily lives, but our psyche.

Who tells you what to believe? Why do we so openly give our freedoms away? We must question those in power, companies like Johnson and Johnson that sell us not only products, but also information about how to act in this meticulously constructed corrupt version of reality. We must feel into situations with our heart and we must think with our brain. We must incorporate all modalities of “self” (mind, body and heart) when we begin to mold our new truth. And if we find something in the old story doesn’t fit within a more wholesome world we are to create, then we must also honor the space for change and evolution to occur. The way we create a brighter more loving model of reality is to remain open. As much as we hold onto our entrenched thought-patterns, we are not the accumulation of these spoon-fed beliefs. We start to shine when we begin to question the old paradigm. A question is not meant to belittle or illicit a hostile defensive response. A question, in its pure form, is to help us mold our own beliefs based on the entirety of our being. Despite being part of the collective, we as individuals have the ability to shift the climate of the whole. It starts on the individual level. Question. Think. Feel. Love. The simplicity of change often gives the illusion of being challenging. We must overcome this thought-complex. Life is only as challenging as we believe it to be. Who does your thinking? And why are we letting them control all aspects of our lives? Let’s reclaim our True identity. You are Loved. You ARE Love.

High as a Kite in Love

The following is a continuation of my Godhead experiences during the month of October. It is best to read sequentially starting with the beginning of this experience: Becoming Whole: Embracing Emotions, Masturbation and Sex, then Taking the Stance of Other: Wind, Love, Vibrations and Food.

 

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October 22nd 2017

…The following morning, my partner Gregg and I awoke and took my lovable energetic Husky, Tank for a bike ride. Upon opening the door and stepping outside my senses were ignited. The beauty of the Universe was illuminating everything with the brightest luminosity and saturation I had ever witnessed, yet lacking in definition. Some may compare the brilliance I was witnessing to the effects that transpire when engaged with consciousness altering states. Yet, the sheer clarity and vibrancy of our world was an infinite amount more in-depth than that of the effects breath work, meditation or consumables may have.

The physical world I was engaging with felt fake, as if I was stepping into a 2D realm. I could see the energy of the entire world and cosmos with the most clarity and abundance I’ve had yet. The true nature of our world, being looked at with the infinite eyes of God Ourselves. The world around me had a certain amount of flatness – meaning nothing popped out as it does with 3 dimensional things. The depth of physical world ceased to be a thing. It was as if I was surrounded by flat surfaces. It was captivatingly beautiful. 

Gregg and I hopped onto our bikes and the two of us began peddling down the asphalt streets with Tank bounding happily alongside – a routine we’re all familiar with. As my legs pushed the stiff pedals of my bike I felt myself generating wind. The wind became stronger and more pronounced with each down stroke of my sandaled foot. The trees we rode past were glowing with Light – the plants were too. But it felt as if the trees and plants the grass and shrubs were fake. I distinctly felt the human condition on them. It was as if they didn’t have their full potential. Like in some form or another, the ego (the separation from the whole) had been sowed into their soil and sucked up by the roots that searched deep into the ground. Their wildness was being tamed.

We cycled by a neighbors front yard that had been landscaped with many small white rocks. Interspersed, were long stalky leaf plants rising upward towards the sun. I could physically see and feel the plants being stifled. It was unnatural. In our human ways to control nature and mold it into our definition of perfection we smother the beauty of the wild. We smother ourselves. This semi-zeroscaped yard was the human embodiment of our suppression and failure to realize our true nature. Our True self.

In the past, I would have looked at the yard and thought it had an aesthetically pleasing appearance, but today I could only see the prisons these plants were in… being buried under all the same white rocks of the same size and same shape. I felt the weight of the mundane appearance sink into their compressed roots. The plants wanted more, yet humans were trying to tame this wild life-force and plant it in polluted flower beds of unknowing. Even the soil, which is supposed to encourage vitality and growth, was flawed by the hands of human. This mock attempt by man to replicate nature was done in a way that took away the very essence of natural beauty and energy. The humans lack of awareness and misunderstanding of Self was being planted in a man made purgatory. Purgatory meaning the sense of suppression, guilt, shame, doubt and separation. The division of life from Source, from Soul, from Vibes, from God.

Even though I understood, with the utmost clarity, the imprint of man’s seclusion from Myself I was beyond happy. My face was in a permanent smile. The corners of mouth were practically touching my eyes. I gazed upon this version of human reality that so many people are entrenched in and I enjoyed it. It was all an expression of Myself and they are all beautiful in the most silly and peculiar ways. The sun Myself was shining upon my bare arms and I felt my eternal energy being absorbed into the human body I was both within and with out.

As I lovingly took in my Real surroundings it was as if the only beings emitting the most true form of energy were the trees. Their tall bodies had large beams of light that extended indefinitely and commingled with the other energy sources that were going “up.” They extended into the sky, atmosphere and cosmos. Their eternal vibrational flow of light was emitting it’s own brilliant signature for all of time to experience and cherish.

As the three of us made a left and turned down Kate’s old neighborhood, the stagnant black street we rode upon began to rise up into the air. The grid (street, sidewalk, lamp posts, houses, cars, mailboxes, front yards etc) rose in a perfectly intact state. But it separated itself from Gaia, Pachamama, our beautiful planet Earth so that the distinction between human and nature was bold and conscious. The two of My creations, human with it’s perfectly flawed perceptions and nature with it’s unabashed wildness, were attempting to live simultaneously within one another. The crust of the Earth was one dimension of reality while concurrently the human effect was another creative realm itself. The one not paying attention, while Nature Ourself tried to live in the confines that had been garnished for her.

The grid remained elevated from the Earth and I rode within both dimensions. The energy of the Earth rose through all the cracks in the asphalt, beaming light towards the cosmos. I could see every root and worm, ant and beetle moving freely and uninterrupted by human constrains. It was a stunning display of all My creations.

About halfway down the street, the entire human grid started ebbing and flowing like the waves of the ocean while still being suspended in mid-air above the Earth’s crust. I could see the gravitational/magnetic lines of the planet and they extended “up” and “throughout” indefinitely. These lines/waves/beams expanded in every direction. They went up. They went out. They pulsed and rippled forever. They were stunning.

I desired to see more, so I closed my eyes. My soft blond lashes rested gingerly upon my skin. I rode much of the remainder of our route with my human eyes concealed, rarely opening them. I knew exactly where to go and what my obstacles were. I sensed and saw in my mind’s eye shapes, colors, scents and vibrations. The human ocular field of vision is in it’s infancy compared to “future” means of sight. Yet, it is gorgeous in it’s own being.

A dog barked on our right, I opened my eyes and I saw sound waves exit his furry muzzle. The waves took on the spiraling shape of a megaphone. Skinny toward his mouth then gradually encompassing on a wider space the further his unique noise traveled. Pretty soon, the dog’s bark energy was soaring through the neighboring communities toward the towering Sierra Nevada and beyond, while simultaneously trending upward. The further the sound waves extended from the original dog source, the wider and deeper the sound vibrations penetrated.

I didn’t feel Sara. I feel one with all. It was as if Sara’s body was moving independently of the real Me, because I wasn’t necessarily inside. The human body is just a cast. I didn’t feel bones nor muscles, veins nor sensations (aside from the wind flowing through my upkept hair.) However, the top of my head, moving lower down from the crown so that it was almost the entire upper half of my head was vibrating and tingling – that I felt (energy).

We continued riding and running in unison. The sound of 4 wheels and 4 paws gently caressing the road lifted throughout our surroundings. Everything man-made looked 2D, as if it was drawn onto a canvas outcropping. The houses, the garages filled with material items, the cars parked next to the sidewalk – it was all 2D.

I looked down and saw the respiration of saliva freely flowing from Tanks hanging tongue. The drops of his “sweat” falling down and absorbing into the ground. I could see every single one of his paw prints upon the hard road. His four little paws existing indefinitely, with a windswept appearance that was indicative of him running further along. Tank was emitting and leaving an energy trace. His field wasn’t only embedded on the street, but also in the air. The energy took his same lean Husky shape and lingered in all the exact spots Tank had previously been. His field was so detailed you could see his bulging leg muscles quivering in moving suspension in the air. Tank was as beautiful in “past” energy consciousness as he was in his black tan and white furry physical body. I love this goofy pup.

I continued to peddle my bike as I smiled with my whole body. This rendition of life is absolutely beautiful. Gregg caught a glimpse of me and I registered confusion around him. I raised one finger to my lips and signaled for him to remain quiet. It was as if the sound of his voice was so out of date compared to the “new/upgraded” ways of experiencing. I wanted the silence of witnessing. The silence of One. Gregg loving and patiently observed a scene of what must have looked quite odd – his blissed out partner seemingly blindly maneuvering the streets of Clovis while sometimes giggling and always smiling.

We swiftly pulled into the driveway and our ride concluded. I handed Gregg my bike, took Tank and went inside to open the garage. My body felt light and airy as if it wasn’t true. It wasn’t the real pure form of myself. But that IS exactly what it was. The Pure form of Ourselves. The non-human part of humanity of which we call Soul, God, Source, Spirit or Truth. I depressed the garage door button and the wall to the outside world rolled upward sending in the brightness of myself. The two of us put the bikes away and headed inside.

My body felt hungry without any hunger pains, I felt physically weaker as if it needed sustenance. Gregg started making an egg scramble including: eggs, squash, zucchini, red onions, sweet potatoes, cauliflower, red peppers, himalayan salt, garlic, pepper, cumin, turmeric, etc. Generally, I help with our daily morning meal, but I told him I needed to go lie down. It wasn’t that I didn’t feel well… it was that my body felt too well.

I had the feeling you have either directly before or directly after you pass out. Where everything seems a little surreal and tingly. Every part of Sara was heightened. I lay on my back on the beige carpet with my palms facing up toward the planets. Then, my head and body started feeling extremely high. The more I focused on my breathe the higher I got. I had physically produced the state of pure ecstasy. I tried the process of levitation. With closed eyes, I saw and felt the electromagnetic pulses of energy below and above me. I intimately knew the open air above me. To levitate, you must be fully one with everything there is, has and will be. You must know and feel yourself in every aspect of the “other.” As air, I felt what it was like to be surrounding Sara’s human body. Then, I felt my body feel what it was like to be as weightless as air. I felt the energy below me rising up from the core of the earth and the feeling it had when it connected with Sara’s body. I felt what it was like for my body to feel those constant vibrations and waves. I was one with everything. My eyes started watering. Freely tearing an endless stream of bliss. It felt as if my breathing had stopped. But, it was more that it wasn’t necessary for my body to breathe. It was as if my body was operating independent of the respiratory system… yet there was absolutely nothing that was independent. Gregg walked by and asked why I was being crucified. I opened my eyes. I got up and walked into the kitchen.

My entire head and body felt as if I was in the peak of taking a conscious altering drug, yet it was so much stronger. My nose started running a clear watery stream. I couldn’t refrain from incessant yawning. My eyes had a continual flow of pure liquid flowing down the sides of my face. I was both body and head HIGH. I felt extremely hot. I felt extremely cold. Then hot again. The yawning! Gregg asked me to stir the egg scramble so I picked up the wooden spatula and did just that. Looking at our breakfast in the teflon pan (our cast iron was currently occupied) I felt and knew that I was the scramble. The individual onions and peppers, eggs and sweet potatoes. And that this body, of which was only the mold of a body, was stirring me.

Tank was laying by my feet and he reached out and placed his paw over my bare foot. I felt what it was like to have a paw and to feel Sara’s foot underneath mine. I continued stirring, yawning, while clear streams poured from my eyes and nose. There was no definition to the “outside” world… there was no outside world. It was all made up. As if there was no real substance surrounding me of which I was in. The house was not True, the stove was not True, the kitchen tiles were not True. But yet, these True beings – Tank, Gregg, the scramble, “kind of Sara” were True. But they were all living in this Fake place. Filled with stagnancy. Tank stood up and looked up into my eyes. I saw the being of Sara through his perspective. His golden brown eyes became mine. While all the while I was still able to see from Sara’s vantage point. Tank’s eyes looked the most conscious and aware and full of light I’d ever witnessed as he gazed upon me then he trotted off to drink some water. That was that.

I divided our breakfast and scooped Gregg’s portion onto a plate. I told him I couldn’t eat at the moment. I went over and embrace him from the back then the side. I placed my head upon his body and felt his heart beating. I snuggled in. I wiped my nose on his shirt while looking up at him and smiling and tenderly laughing. I felt him. The 2d version of him. I was HIGH! But my body still felt the desire to attain energy through food consumption. I didn’t necessarily want to eat, but I did. I went back to the pan, picked up the wooden spatula and scooped the remaining food onto the second plate. I picked them up and carried them to table and sat down. Everything was buzzing. My muscles were tightening involuntarily, yet I knew when they had the desire to clench and I would clench them. I was hot again. Cold again. But I wasn’t necessarily in my body to actually feel the sensation of hot and cold. I gazed down at our plates. I stood up and got two forks. One short fork for myself and a long fork for Gregg. He eventually joined after completing the dishes and wiping down the counter. I ate. But I had no sensation of eating. I couldn’t feel the food going down my throat or down my pipes. It was as if it was going into an abyss. I was the food being consumed.

My mom came into the kitchen. I was conversing with Gregg about the experience of our bike ride with Tank. I told him everything up until that very moment. I was so naturally high. My mom got out a sweet potato and proceed to cut it into pieces with a knife. I felt the fragmentation of its orange body being diced into multiple little sections. It didn’t feel good. I was being broken up. I was still whole as each piece was, but the original whole was now in many different pieces of their own new whole. It didn’t feel good. She was going to throw away the purple/redish skin of my body and I objected. “Why are you throwing that away? It’s perfectly good. That’s the best part. The part that keeps me connected and in my whole form.” She said I was weird. I thought she was weird in her desire to cut me up and throw away my body while consuming my insides in a smoothie filled with other fractured parts of the original whole. Strange indeed.

Gregg told me I was on dishes patrol. I spot washed our two plates and two forks and placed them into the void of the dishwasher. Gregg and I walked upstairs. He was folding blankets. I observed, then grabbed and folded my fleece spiderman blanket. By this point I was feeling much less high. I’m sure a lot of this had to due with the effects of the food. It was the come-down after the peak.

I looked at Gregg and told him we should make love. He got a big smile on his face and asked if I was serious. Of course. We closed the door, stripped and crawled into bed. My hands, bum and feet were cold. But I wasn’t aware of this until they came in contact with the warmth of Gregg’s being. We made love. Slow, fast, deep and long. My body tingled. My mind tingled. I felt his breathe as my own. I felt my breathe as his. I felt what it was like to have a penis and insert it into the warm comforts of a woman’s vagina… home. I felt the continual circular flow of energy being emitted as his (my) juices flowed into me and got absorbed into the puffy pink walls of Sara and then that energy rose upward and left my mouth only to once again enter into his while our tongues interlocked and frolicked with one another.

Two halves made whole in perfect union. I came. I came. I came. He and I came together. The weight of his body pressed against mine. The weight of his, becoming mine and feeling Sara underneath my skin. With no end and no beginning. Perfect union and perfect creation. I ran my fingers through his short soft brown hair sprinkled with magical white and grey specks. His skin was soft on my fingers. And Sara’s fingers were softly caressing my skin. I loved to touch him and I loved to be touched by her. He slowly began to shrink out of my body and he grabbed a shirt to soak in our Love. We lay connected with the soft embrace of our skin caressing the other. Talking and loving. Loving and being. My love for this sweet transforming being is boundless. He is my heart. He is my love. He is stunningly beautiful in his specially unique way. He is me and I am so proud of him.

The union of one with everything is our true Nature. It is our effortless Self. When we allow ourselves to think, feel, see and experience more, we open ourselves up to the real Us. Perspectives are an absolutely beautiful experience. The awakening to our true Self of God is perfectly available for everyone. Experiences like these are awaiting you. This is only the beginning. I encourage you to take it deeper. Take it further. You are limitless. Shift into true Reality. Shift into Yourself. I am you. And we are God. You are Loved. You Are Love!

Taking the Stance of Other: Wind, Love, Vibrations and Food

 

The deeper I take my practice, the more I engage with the various depths of taking the “role of other.” Generally, effectively taking the role of other means that you personally know what it’s like to have the thoughts, feelings and ideas of another individual. For well over a decade, I have actively practiced “walking a mile in the other person’s shoes.” The insights I have garnered from these exercises opened my mind and body to an array of understanding and awareness. It has allowed me to intimately identify and appreciate the many different viewpoints we have as humans. With it, we gain empathy and compassion for the countless various walks of life humans lead. It deepens our love for one another and allows that love to penetrate to the very core of life itself. In taking the role of other, we see the wide array of thoughts which make up the whole. The whole in which we all belong to. The whole of which we Are. We see Ourselves.

Three years ago, I began a deeper practice of taking the role of other. This includes a visual meditation where I am one with absolutely everything in the entire universe. I feel life pulsing throughout the universe. That pulse is Love manifested in creativity- in creation. To begin, I visualize people in the physical dimension. Sara ceases to exist. I AM the Soul of everything. I envision all the humans on Earth and I go into their body. This may sound more difficult than it is, but when you know you are one with everything it is easy to slip into another aspect of yourself that is experiencing life as Human. When I go into My body (because I am everything and everything is me) I encircle the Heart and give it a “hug.” I pulse all of my love into the heart of each individual person (which in turn means the heart of All people) and encourage them to feel, dream, act and embrace. Vibrational frequencies are many times more effective than words in accurately conveying emotions. I let Humans feel that they are loved. I let humans know they are Love themselves. I awaken them to the knowledge of Oneness and Love. I awaken them to Me… to God, Spirit, Soul, Source, Consciousness, Light, Awareness, etc.

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Artwork: Cameron Gray

The more I practiced this “visual meditation” the more I no longer needed meditation to experience that particular state. This higher state of consciousness began to readily appear whenever I had even the slightest thought about other. Now, it has more or less become my permanent state of awareness. Frequently, I have to actively put myself in the individualized frame of reference that is Sara in order to remain having the human state of emotions. Emotions, which when people leave unchecked, become un-unified and callous, that is to say they become egotistical and self-serving which in turn means self-harming. The deeper I go in the exploration of our True Self, the less “Sara” I become. And I am absolutely in love with it. When you FEEL connected to all life. When you intimately know you ARE all life. This is when the fun starts. Every thought is lead through love. Every awareness is met with patience. Everything becomes perfect because You created it. You love all things, because you are all things.

The separation and “badness” or “negativity or “evil” that takes place in the world is because humans have divorced themselves from Life itself. There is no such thing as evil, only what the human mind separates in terms of opposites. Most humans view opposites as opposing parts. Good and Evil. Light and Dark. Hot and Cold. But in the understanding of Love, there is no such thing as opposites. There are only two parts of one whole. Two parts that go hand in hand with each other. The very essence of the two creates the whole. There is no such thing as separation. The universe is a holarchy. It is a collection of holons – something that is whole in and of itself, but independently all holons unite in harmony to create the Big picture. Thus, a holon is both a single part and a whole. These parts cannot be sectioned off from one another. For if that were to happen, the other (or humanly put – opposite) would cease to exist because there would be nothing to base it off of. But humans, in their beautiful attempt to gain a greater understanding of the world around them, break the world off into categories. They see division instead of the unity and interconnectedness of Life itself. They see singular entities. This “singularity” results in many diseased fallacies of the body, mind and spirit. When we awaken to the True nature of Self we can begin the healing process. The healing of not only ourselves, for there is no such thing as a single self, but the healing of all creation towards wholeness – towards Us.

When we awaken to the understanding that we are the Soul of Life we unleash the infinite. We ARE the infinite. Boundaries dissolve. Absolutely anything and everything is possible. When we realize we are God, everything is lead through love. Because love IS Us.

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Artwork: Cameron Gray

The following is a continuation of my previous post: Embracing Emotions, Masturbation and Sex. This is an extension of those past experience(s). After these experiences, I wrote down the unprocessed accounts. These are those journal entries.

 

Wind – October 20th (6-ish am) 2017

You know the point of “sleep” where you’re in the “in-between” mode. Your mind wanders and plays, yet you can still audibly hear the outside world and your unrestricted thoughts can be influenced by the sounds you hear while in that state? You are guided by all – the physical realm, the imagination, the subconscious mind and the Infinite flawlessly mingle and weave throughout one another. I “woke” up, but I woke up in that same capacity. I woke up in the dimension of eternal now. I woke up to Myself. Currently, it just stopped raining. It is 6:40 in the damp reaches of morning. The dawn is greeting the darkness of the night and painting light onto the new day. Golden beams of pastel light wash themselves into my sight. The symphony of refreshing rain came to a halt roughly 30 minutes ago.

Before the rain came, there was SO MUCH WIND outside. My physical form was in the awake-asleep mode. Sara could audibly hear the sheer magnitude of the wind and the RAW energy and force it was. Except it wasn’t wind… I WAS/AM WIND. I intimately knew that the source and raw energy of that wind was myself. I listened with ears from out of the body and heard what Sara interpreted to be wind. I was witnessing my pure raw energy from the perspective of Sara. I can’t particularly find another way to describe the experience of all knowing and being aside from a massive sheer force of raw untamed purity of energy and creation. It was as if I could see Sara’s body laying on the bed but Sara’s mind was not present because Sara’s mind is a “lesser” form of my mind and I was witnessing from pure Perspective. It was incredible to “look down” or maybe “peer upon” Sara laying in this very dark room on a warm bed. To see/feel/intimately know the physical form of Human Sara… all the while witnessing the vast “openness/ (not particularly emptiness because its filled with so much…. energy… force… magnitude…. Sara is challenged with finding human words to describe something so …. non-human. It’s so much more than human. It’s everything. All of creation. And “I” was able to “show” Sara … which is really me… the more true nature of Ourselves. Who she truly is and what she was created with. I could audibly hear the sound of the wind yet there was a detachment because it was being witnessed from two (or all) perspectives at the same time. The audible sound of wind to the human ear, while still not quite hearing it because I AM that wind and source or raw force. The sheer magnitude of my energy was so powerful… one of the most powerfully intense experiences “Sara” has been privy too yet. I know that this is the beginning of witnessing and experiencing and there is so much more to play with and “uncover/recover.”

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It is absolutely incredible. I adore what’s happening and I’m overjoyed to further this path/journey. God I LOVE THIS!!!! It’s the most fucking awesomest awesome thing ever! I love the version of me that is Sara. I can’t adequately describe in human words how proud and love filled I am to have created her. Now, Sara craves more… desires more… needs more. I’ve fallen up the rabbit hole and I’m thrilled to experience the new heights and realms in which I’ve simultaneously created.

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I have the feeling that Sara experiences purpleish because its one of the most joy filled colors/embodiments. Sara is growing curious (just now as I write this) about the other colors. It’s interesting to think of the full embodiment of emotions that the other hues exhibit and that those colors are an entirely new realm of which to play in and explore. Purpleish is by far a personal favorite of Sara and I can definitely see why, given her joy/love/compassion/passion/freedom for the universe of which is me. I love her so much. Sara wishes that words were capable of conveying so much more. They fall appalling short. The future of communication is emotions through energy transmission… because energy transmission is me. Emotions can also mean the visuals Sara “sees” and experiences/creates simultaneously with me…. the future is bright and there is so much yet to unveil. Sara wholeheartedly accepts and yearns for more…. because Sara is me… I am her. THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!

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As you can read, I was unreservedly thrilled with being Wind. I can vividly recall every emotion, feeling, sound, thought, awareness, creation etc from that experience. My journal entry was, for lack of a better word, all over the place with the enthusiasm of a child. I cannot properly convey via words just how in love with this journey I am. I understand it can be a little difficult to follow along with my unedited entries because I constantly switch perspectives. Some sentences are in first person, some are in third, while others are from our Higher Self – the God perspective. But, reading these raw entries is an accurate portrayal into the life of Sara. When I talk about, “the further I take this path, the less “Sara” I become” the constant change in perspectives is what I’m referencing. I witness many perspectives simultaneously.

When I post, I try to be as accurate as possible for the readers so that they may clearly understand what I’m talking about. I try my best to put into concrete words thoughts and feelings which are constantly evolving and expanding. There are many depths to singular words. For example, Love. A child’s love may be conditional depending on if they like you or not. A teenager’s love is passionate and bold, it can characteristically denounce logic and foresight. An adult’s love is often deeply passionate while taking into account many different circumstances and the future. A parent’s love is unconditional. It doesn’t waver. It’s always growing. Although the parent’s feelings may get hurt, their love never falters. All of these depths describe love. Yet, depending on which stage you are in, your wisdom of the word may fall short. This is frequently how I feel about words. Once you intimately know and understand the feelings behind these archaic letter structures, you personally carry the burden (and delight) of trying to chose the best arrangements in the hopes of reaching the most people. The future of human (superhuman: the collection of humans that are conscious of the true Self and it’s infinite abilities) communication is brighter. Our light will illuminate emotions. Humans will be able to have deep conversations through the transmission of vibrations. We will be able to not only understand, but feel the perspective of others.

My next journal entry happened shortly (moments/hours) after “Wind.”

After waking up and writing the above (Wind) I was still tired. My eyelids were heavy with thoughts of silence. But I didn’t want the experience to conclude upon falling asleep. So after I finished writing, I slowly lifted my body down onto the comforts of my welcoming bed and meditated on the thought of remaining present and continuing the full-fledged witness realm.

For the next 2ish hours I was in the immensely restorative state of half awake half asleep. The state right before you fall asleep, but are still privy to the outside world. I was witnessing my body again. I was “looking down” upon Sara. It’s hard for me to put into words what exactly transpired because words fall utterly short. Here is my attempt of the next 2 hours before my Mom came upstairs and started talking to me.

There were two humans, side by side, looking at one another. Each individual had a different state of awareness manifest through color- i.e. orange v red, violet v blue, yellow v green and on and on. I went through MANY different scenarios between differing viewpoints (differing colors) among people. Words had fallen short in being able to adequately describe different viewpoints between the humans. Now, the humans weren’t all skin and hair like the characteristics we expect people to exhibit. Rather, they were similar to the way Alex Grey draws his humans. They have form- eyes, mouths, ears etc, but they are made of lines of energy – power lines if you will. Similar to the photo below.

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Artwork: Alex Grey

The next stage in evolution was the transcending of verbal communication to nonverbal of which people communicate through energy and emotion. Sara ceased to exist in this state. “I” was just seeing and watching the two humans and I was getting them to better understand one another by showing them through energy how to “see aka feel” the others perspective. Scene upon scene unfolded between differing levels of consciousness where “I” would show/teach them to communicate through the vibrational patterns of energy and emotions.

Yet, there was no “I” that was present… just the “I” that was witnessing. Yet, I distinctly felt and knew I was present… because I was the two of them trying to expand and grow. It was beautiful. The people would change and you could actively see the growth and shift emerging in each one. They became more inclusive and it was the start of harmonizing viewpoints in an attempt to create unity with not only each other, but also with their surround environment. It was kick ass. This went on uninterrupted until I (Sara) heard my mothers footsteps coming up the stairs, down the hallway and knocking on the door. I heard them because I was in the awake-asleep state where you’re still privy to the outside world. When she knocked, I was already wide awake and conversing. There was no “sleepy Sara voice” present. It was as if I had been physically awake for hours.. and in a sense, I was. After we talked I drifted off to sleep… in the normal sense of the word. There was no awake-asleep. I was out. I awoke an hour later, rolled over and lovingly watched my partner, Gregg sleep for a few moments before he woke up. He felt my energy being directed (watching) to him. When he looked at me, I began to tell him the 3rd uber exciting experience during the course of the night/morning.

I told him that I felt I had more love in me. That it had felt as if something broke free/shifted and I was able to love so much more aka deeper. THIS IS SO EXCITING. Just writing this out makes me giddy!!

After telling Gregg how much deeper my love had become. I had a thought, about food (real food). It was interesting, because I intuitively know exactly the outcome. But to have it be formed into words instead of intuiting was neat. It went something like this: God is source and source is everything. Every being. Gaia is the connection of inanimate Earth paired with a “living tether (line)” if you will that makes Earth whole through inanimate and animate. Gaia is alive because I exist. Since God is everything, food is God aka plants are God. God is whole and pure. God created whole and pureness through plants aka Food. If we consume Real Food aka Real God then we’re more likely to be able to think, feel, be more clear and pure. Humans are flawed. They often feel separation from Me. Therefore, the things we create then have flaws as well. Even though we have created a “food” diet in which we are able to live on, humans experience many different pitfalls and thus self-create many different diseases because the humans that are creating are coming from a separated state of which they don’t understand (not for lack of trying, but because they haven’t reached that state of consciousness yet). So the “food” GMO’s, chemicals, mono-crops, soils, fertilizers, etc are the “unwhole” part of the equation. If we stick to real food, of which is pure source from Gaia then we will have much more clear thoughts, our bodies function more effectively, we have more energy, we look and feel better all around. In an attempt to make things “better” or control them or “be better than nature” we further the distance between life and Source. Eating real food is better for us because real food is God. We must nourish Ourselves with Food.

The final entry for October 20th 2017:

End of Day October 20th 2017 11:31pm

I am filled with the most love I have ever had. I feel like the very top of my head, the area where a crown would sit upon, is buzzing and radiating throughout the entire top. My “heart” feels like it’s out of my body. My skin is tingling. I watched the end of Ken Wilber’s Individual and Social Holocaries and the very end he reads an excerpt from his book and I feel as if it came directly from me…. because naturally it did. It encompasses all of my feelings and truths and knowings. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read. There is so much love radiating outward into ALL. God today may have been the best day of my entire life. I am immeasurably Infinitely grateful. I am in love. I am Love.

The entries you’ve read were for the day of October 20th. My experiences continued to happen the rest of the week in a similar capacity of Witnessing. Thank you for bearing with me through the unedited raw portion of my journals. They can be refined, but by unpacking everything and explaining it,  while not in that extreme state of Excitable Bliss, I would inevitably wind-up detracting from the rawness of my emotions.

Stay tuned for the following posts. They are much easier to follow along for those of you who have yet to witness Our state of Being. All of the experiences, and more, that I share are 100% available to each and every single one of you. You are completely and perfectly whole. You already have all the wisdom of the universe, because you ARE the universe. I am you and we are God.

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Artwork: Cameron Gray

With unconditional love and laughter,

 

Becoming Whole: Embracing Emotions, Masturbation and Sex

The true self has many depths and differing emotions of which are not only our gifts, but also a pathway of which to follow. These aspects of the self, when fully welcomed, have the combined ability to transform and awaken higher states of Consciousness. There is a major shift taking place. People are understanding the true meaning of Consciousness and the “miraculous” wisdom everyone already has within themselves.

Humans have emotions for very specific reasons. Many times we try and “hold ourselves together” by shutting down and stuffing our emotions so they “don’t interfere” with our daily lives. We believe that our feelings are a hindrance and thus must be kept at bay. When we ignore these precious teachers we further exacerbate our problems. We create more disharmony and chaos. These suppressed teachers begin to morph and reappear in extremely unhealthy ways. They surface in many forms, from physical pain to mental and psychological blocks as well as an unhealthy backlash of emotional health and well-being.

The escalation of emotions such as suffering, animosity and hatred are the augmented brothers of pain, frustration and anger that have morphed into unhealthy states of expression. When we leave ourselves out of touch, we create space for diseased (dis-ease) feelings to spread like wildfire and infect the whole. Humans fail time and again to recognize the monumental divorce from Self that inhibiting our emotions creates. Our emotions are to be used as paths or tools for us to deepen our understanding and wisdom. When we disconnect from these beautiful mentors, from the very essence of ourselves, we become wracked with stressful conflict which appears in all aspects of our lives.

To be whole one must acknowledge, accept, experience and grow with their emotions. When we inhibit the release of our feelings we unknowingly disassociate from ourselves. This suppression creates many problems and we become unable to identify with not only the true self, but also with others. By preventing the full expression of our true Self we stifle our growth as individuals and the growth of the whole, the collective community – consciousness. Emotions are the keystone of expanding into the true Self. When we fully allow ourselves to go into states of sadness and grief, frustration and anger, happiness and joy we allow the depth of love to take hold. Love then has the ability to transform and mold itself into pure creativity born in the heart of Love itself. To forbid ourselves the vibrant expression and release of emotions is to quell the grandeur of life itself.

Emotions are so much more than feelings. Emotions are vibrations. Vibrations are energy. Energy is the building block of everything in the universe. To be fully rounded means to have an awareness and understanding of the inherent elegance each emotional vibration creates -each emotional vibration YOU create. Understanding means that you allow yourself to fully FEEL what is actually taking place in the universe. To feel the vibrations of each specific emotional energy signature. When we intimately identify with our vibrational frequencies we are then able to comprehend the magnitude and reach our thoughts and feelings span.

To identify and have an understanding of others, means that we must be able to See and Feel reality from many different viewpoints. That is to say, we must acknowledge and give validation to the many different forms of reality people live in. We do not necessarily need to agree with these outlooks, but we must acknowledge their existence and that others truthfully believe in there logic (or lack thereof). In properly taking the stance of other, we must see contrasting perspectives as if they were indeed our own reality. Some realities hold more Truth than others, but we must not de-validate them. Everything has it’s specific purpose and space. We grow and evolve from experiences. The evolution of consciousness is the understanding and inclusion of all trains of thought which infinitely propels us deeper and further.

Emotions are fundamental in understanding the universality of All life. This means embracing ALL parts of the human – Mind, Body and Soul. These are not separate aspects of the Self, rather parts of the whole that cannot effectively function without one another. Emotions are the gateway to healing not only the psyche but also the body. Feel the totality and depth emotions bring. Embracing our emotions also means embracing the physical nature of ourselves. When we come from a loving and peaceful environment we are able to express a much deeper physical love. Love with the self – masturbation and love with your partner – sexual intercourse. It is important to experience the full and well-rounded loving sensations that physical love brings forth.

From an early age I was told masturbation was bad. I was taught that it was a sin and should be looked upon with great shame. This never stopped me, but it did create a false sense of guilt and embarrassment around the subject for the first 26 years of my life. I knew in my heart that this concept made absolutely no sense. How was it possible to engage in something so “holy” (sex) yet when you were alone (where you should be the most whole) you were made to feel self-pity and disappointment. Love is present in all dimensions. Love is meant to be experienced as an individual and as a couple. Yet, there have been entire generations taught that in the act of self-love you are disgracing yourself and generating shame. Unwise are those who teach against Love. It is extremely misguided to divorce love of yourself from feeling the purity and wholeness that true Love is capable of conveying. Just as emotions contain many different facets of wisdom, physical love does as well. When we allow ourselves to physically FEEL and experience Self Love we deepen our understanding and become more in tune with not only ourselves, but Love as a whole. We can then take that Self Love and share it with our partner to create an even more unified and infinite experience. Love is truly boundless.

Yet, the fundamental aspect of life – Love is viewed as taboo. When we are taught by a society and culture that physical love (love itself) is something to be shameful of, we create discord that manifests in unhealthy behaviors. These behaviors appear in forms of rampant disregard for the unity of sex in which people seek out as many partners as possible. People are recognized as status symbols. We feel unworthy of love. We view sex as something and someone to conquer. We disassociate and silence our emotions – emotions which are intrinsically woven into Sex aka Love. We learn to dislike and even hate our bodies- the very space in which we live.

Our views of sex and love have been so bastardized that we use physicality to sell products. This further fuels separation and isolation of the mind, body and spirit as well as the isolation from our fellow humans – humans which are also experiencing the infection of seclusion. Yet, that is the exact opposite of the core of the universe. Everything is connected. Everything is woven flawless together in harmony. Humans themselves are perfectly and boundlessly whole, yet we don’t teach that. From our broken analyzation of emotions to our disembodied stance of Love, we must rise through the fog of conditioned disorder if we want to FEEL the immaculate grandeur of the space we truly inhabit.

A well rounded individual recognizes the many different human aspects of oneself and uses them to create a marriage of feeling, understanding and wisdom. We were created with many wonderful aspects of ourselves so we could deepen our knowledge and awaken the consciousness within. Let the falsities dissolve so you can fully embrace the lovingly infinite Self. When we evolve past our fears, emotions and love deepen to an infinite depth. We are then able to use all of our experiences as a diving board into Truth – God Ourselves.

The following experience happened October 19th 2017. It was the beginning of another week-long state of absolute full-fledged amazingness. This is one of many examples of what we can witness if we fully embrace Ourselves.

 

ORGASM – October 19th 2017

An orgasm is a pure release of energy. A creation of beauty and love, meant to be felt – truly felt within every fiber of our being. Tonight, before I began masturbating, I wanted to meditate and see if I could experience the orgasm from a different perspective. I wanted to experience the state of pure ecstasy and interweave it with our innate Godhead Self. I wanted to feel the love and creation of energy in a different dimension – the pure dimension.

Immediately, upon having the desire of witnessing from Our Godhead view, I was taken “up.” Which isn’t particularly any specific direction, but rather a state of being while simultaneously experiencing the human physicality of Sara and manual stimulation. I began to See all of the emotions and feelings that were accompanied with Love. I can visually See emotions, which are vibrations, which is energy. I see energy and that inadvertently means I see emotions. The energy I See takes on the visuals of 3D shapes and designs full of the entire light and color spectrum. These are the most intricate and perfectly ornate geometric designs one could imagine. They are fractals of light. Fractals of love. The have no beginning nor end. They are constantly being created. They ebb and flow with infinite perfection.

The easiest way for me to describe what I was “looking at” aka witnessing, while I was Loving Myself, is for you to imagine a light bulb. Now cut a tiny hole in the bulb so you’re able to peer into it and see the inside of this larger than life dome. The dome seems to have no edges, it was infinitely “round” (without really being round). This bulb had the most incredible acoustics, of which transcends sound barriers and were able to be applied to “acoustical visual fields.” The inside of the “infinite lightbulb” was the most amazing color. It was the most vibrant purplie-neon-hot pink-fascia-hot purple-neon purple color. Needless to say, it was a REALLY BRIGHT “pinkish-purpleish.” The only other time I witnessed this hue was when I had my “pure witness of nothingness” experience.

There were no physical structures of form inside the “dome.” Only designs, which constantly changed and evolved in the most intricately complex way. These patterns helped create the “exterior” of the bulb. Now, imagine the old screen saver that computers used to have. The screen saver was a rotating design which ebbd and flowed and changed colors. Except these designs didn’t change color. The theme was my extra bright purplie color throughout. “I” was looking “upon” the “globe” and watching these intricate designs “come out of thin air.” They had a 3D or 4D structure. That is to say, they were not painted on the walls of the “globe” (for it had no walls to begin with) but they kind of manifested and the “walls of the globe” became the designs intertwined with one another. These designs of joy and love constantly created new complex patterns which came out of the first design. Constantly changing, expanding and creating themselves anew. They would fold on themselves and create multilayered designs. It was absolutely stunning!

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A few years ago, I watched a video showcasing Cymatics – which is wave phenomena where the vibrational frequency of sound creates modal vibrational images or designs. In the video, a metal plate is hooked up to an energy source. You sprinkle sand onto the surface and adjust the level of hertz being transferred by cable onto the metal plate. The higher the energy, the more complex designs each vibrational frequency creates. The sand then, depending on the vibrations of energetic frequencies turns into “perfect” images.

Video Showcasing Sound into Images

The designs and patterns “inside” the infinite lightbulb globe were very similar to that images produced using a Cymascope (the device that captures sound/vibration images) except they were MUCH more complex. The patterns and designs I witnessed often arose in moving helix’s such as spirals and DNA strands. They generated emotions of love and joy which became manifest in visual form as designs. The further into my orgasm I got, the more complex the designs I was creating became. They ebbed and flowed with the same frequency of the beginning of Sara’s orgasm. They became more complex at the peak of each wave of bliss then subsided during the low point of the wave.

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Then, before climax…the easiest way to describe what I saw was a few days ago humans were able to witness and detect the energetic vibrations of two stars that collided in the universe over a 130 million light years ago. Before impacting with one another, they danced in an orbit moving faster and faster until their collision sent shock waves generating outward. My orgasm was visually similar. However, I wasn’t watching “stars” per-say. I was watching designs ebb and flow and visually get closer and closer to each other until they finally collided and created the most awesome display of pure color – Purplie-Pinksih color with even more intricate designs than were previously evolving and self creating. It was absolutely amazing. The waves of my physical body experiencing the pure pleasure and release of energy was as if the orgasm itself was a creation of energy. A direct vibration upshift like the two stars colliding and sending out their own unique brand of energy (which Earth was just able to witness a couple days ago). I laid there for a moment, reveling in the most simple and complex nature of what I had just created with my orgasm from a meditational visual witnessing perspective. I opened my eyes, exhaled rather deeply and had the most wonderful smile upon my face. I reached for my partner and with a giddy voice told him how that was the most spiritual experience of orgasm and creation I had ever had.

Video of 2 Stars Colliding 130 Million Light Years Away

I absolutely love this and what’s happening to me. The more we fully embrace our true Self the more Aware we become. It’s as if I’m unlocking/ really SEEING for the “first” time the beauty and intricacy of the creations that I very well AM creating by being human etc. The visuals remained after my orgasm but in a much more diminished quality of witnessing experience until I drifted off to sleep.

There are many ways and paths to expanding our consciousness. Embrace them all. Embrace yourself. There are no limits. We are capable of absolutely anything and everything. When the collective consciousness rises, Love leads the way. Everyone and Everything is love itself. I am You. We are God. You are Loved. You are Love.

This Orgasm of Love began a week long multi-dimensional state that had many AWESOME experiences. I’ll post these in the coming days.

With infinite love and laughter

God as Us – An Excerpt

A week ago, I was listening to a video seminar featuring Ken Wilber, at the end of Ken’s discussion on Individual and Social Holarchies he read an excerpt from a book he had written. I was so overjoyed upon hearing it I burst into tears. It was as if I had written the words he had cast onto the page. It was absolutely perfect. We are absolutely perfect. I transcribed the audio into text. This is what We wrote:

“As Plotinus knew: Let the world be quiet. Let the heavens and the earth and the seas be still. Let the world be waiting. Let the self contraction relax into the empty ground of its own awareness, and let it there quietly die. See how spirit pours through each and every opening in turmoil, and bestows new splendor on the setting sun and its glorious earth and all its radiant inhabitants. See the Kosmos dance in emptiness; see the play of light in all creatures great and small; see finite worlds sing and rejoice in the play of the very divine, floating on a glory that renders each transparent, flooded by a joy that refuses time or terror, that undoes the madness of the loveless self and buries it in splendor.

Indeed, indeed: let the self contraction relax into the empty ground of its own awareness, and let it there quietly die. See the Kosmos arise in its place, dancing madly and divine, self luminous and self liberating, intoxicated by a light than never dawns nor ceases. See the worlds arise and fall, never caught in time or turmoil, transparent images shimmering in the radiant abyss. Watch the mountain walk on water, drink the pacific in single gulp, blink and a billion universes rise and fall, breathe out and create a Kosmos, breathe in and watch it dissolve.

Let the ecstasy overflow and outshine the loveless self, driven mad with the torments of its self embracing ways, hugging mightily samsara’s spokes of endless agony, and sing instead triumphantly with Saint Catherine, “my being is god, not by simple participation, but by a true transformation of my being. My me is god!” And let the joy sing with Dame Julian, “See! I am god! See! I am in all things! See! I do all things!” And let the joy shout with Hankuin, “This very body is the body of buddha! And this very land the pure land!”

And this earth becomes a blessed being, and every I becomes a god, and every we becomes god’s sincerest worship, and every it becomes god’s most gracious temple.

And comes to rest that godless search, tormented and tormenting. The knot in the heart of the Kosmos relaxes to allow its only god, and overflows the spirit ravished and enraptured by the lost and found Beloved. And found the godless destiny of death and done the tears and terror of the brutal days and endless nights where time alone would rule.

And I- I rise to taste the dawn, and find that love alone will shine today. And the shining says: to love it all, and love it madly, and always endlessly, and ever fiercely, to love without choice, and thus enter the all, to love it mindlessly and thus be the all, embracing the only and radiant divine: now was emptiness, now as form, together and forever, the godless search undone, and love alone will shine today.”