Gregg and I conceived our precious Babe on April 18th – the evening of the Pink Full Moon. This energetically significant time of the Pink Moon signifies stability. With its arrival, it brings the security to crystallize changes and transform them into permanent improvements.
A few weeks prior to conception, Gregg had gone to an Ayahuasca retreat in Costa Rica. He felt called by this master healer to go deeper into his being so that he could heal the pain and traumas that were actively overflowing into every aspect of his existence. After many years and despite his efforts with various modalities of healing (talk therapy, yoga, meditation, shadow work, raw plant based foods, etc) he couldn’t seem to get out of his own way. His mind kept circling back to old ways of being that had been molded to him since he was a child – ways centered in separation, anger, mistrust, and pain. When I suggested calling on Mother Aya, he resonated instantly and was eager to work in union with the wisdom of our plant community. Before his flight, we traveled to Death Valley for a few days so he could turn inward and unwind before the upcoming ceremonies. It was fitting to begin such a transformative journey in a place of death and rebirth.
Upon Gregg’s return from Costa Rica, he shared that the best thing that had ever happened to him was his injury – where he spent 5 1/2 days in the Sierra Nevada backcountry surviving and tending to an open compound fracture of his tibia and fibia. With eyes full of emotion, he said it was the best thing that happened to him because from those events, he got to meet me and begin his journey of healing and loving. He said that the 4 Ayahuasca ceremonies were the second best thing he’s ever done.
When Gregg returned, he started talking and sharing in a way he hadn’t ever done before. When he had a problem or was having a hard time, he’d tell me and we’d talk about it so he wasn’t alone. For the first time, he started truly sharing his life with me. I was gifted an inner seat to his thoughts and emotions. He shared where his mind would wander and how it made him feel. In this space of communion and connection we walked together as one.
Among the many topics we unpacked together, he lovingly shared that he was finally ready to call in a baby with me. When he spoke, his excitement burst through his body and you could both see and feel his joy radiating throughout the room. Having a child was something that the two of us had talked about for years. He had struggled immensely with the idea of being a father because he didn’t want to model the same anger and pain that was so prevalent in his upbringing. But after his experiences in Costa, he knew that not only was he ready to help usher in a new soul, but he was ready to do so joyously. He wanted to create a family, and have it be OUR family. A sacred union built on the foundation of love, peace, curiosity and co-creation. A foundation where all aspects of our being (mind, body, heart, and spirit) are nourished and tended after with honor and love. A space where our intuition and heart lead the way instead of societal norms. He was ready.
The day we conceived, we awoke and started cooking together – our routine. We sauted onions and garlic with sweet potatoes. He collected 3 fresh eggs from the girls and included them in his breakfast. We ate outside on the picnic table, blanketed under the shade from the swaying trees. Bees were pollinating the flowers and their golden dust shimmered around us like specks of magic. After eating, we went inside and put on music that had been remixed with the meditation teacher Burgs. Our bare feet softly padded along the ground with the rhythmic beat. It was one of the first times Gregg had really payed attention to the lyrics and he was eager to hear more. Side by side, we found a 30 min guided meditation by Burgs and settled into our breath. High on the clarity that meditation provides, we hopped into the bathtub and let the fresh water cleanse our bodies. While pouring water over me, he told me how he wanted to go into the bedroom and make love. I was in the final stages of healing from a UTI and told him not today, but that we could make-out. With a twinkle in his eyes, the corners of his mouth parted into a grin.
Gregg gingerly helped me out of the tub and dried me off. I ran into the bedroom and hopped onto the bed eager with excitement. He followed on top of me, his cool body pressed tightly into mine. He kissed me passionately with a newfound vigor and assurance of purpose. He stopped, and put his hand up to my face, softly stoking my cheek. He said he wanted to make love while staring into each other’s eyes the whole time. He said he wanted to learn energy more intimately. He wanted to feel it and see it. He wanted to go deeper, to feel what I feel, see what I see. He started kissing my entire body. The fire emanating from him was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. His tongue traced the scars covering my bare skin from the numerous surgeries I’d undergone. Before he moved on, he gently left each one with a kiss. A purposeful, “I love you, I’m healing you kiss.” He made his way across my body and started going down on me. The energy was so restorative and intense I couldn’t help but grab his chin by his stubbly beard and bring him up to me. With one hand wrapped around the small of his neck and the other searching, I grabbed him and put him inside of me. We began thrusting and holding one another tightly. “Hug me tighter.” he said. I gladly enclosed my arms over his now steaming body and pressed him as close into me as I could. This wasn’t sex. This was the sacred exchange of love and energy that creates entire universes. This was two individuals coming together in purity and giving all of themselves to the other. This was a gift. I envisioned all of my chakras opening and I pulled him even closer as hues of reds, greens, blues, yellows, purples etc danced in my field of vision. I had done this countless times before, but this time, it was as if Gregg was also doing the same. All of him was open and flowing.
“Do you want me to come inside or pull out and be all over you?” He asked. With nothing but trust and love I replied, “The choice is yours, what ever you want.” We had talked about this many times. There was no pressure. He knew that I would be ecstatic either way. He smiled and tears of beauty welled up in his eyes. We started thrusting deeper, soft and slow, yet deliberate and gentle. Our eyes entangled into the very soul of the other. “Baby, baby, baby, baby…” His eyes grew wide. The black of his pupils took over the deep blue of his iris. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” I repeated as his body shuddered and his muscles spasmed momentarily. Our eyes never left one another. We both instantly knew that this sacred ceremony we created had welcomed in a Babe. We stayed, peering into the depths of our love for eternity. Then Gregg looked up and Tank dog was inches from our heads staring at us with curiosity. Smiling, he turned his attention back on me and stated, “Do you think we made a baby.” “It’s more likely than not,” I replied with tears of adoration in my eyes. He put his head into my chest and left a trail of endless fast paced kisses upon my dewy skin. When he was done, he kissed my forehead and got up. Looking around, he found his shirt and tenderly placed it under me to soak up our love. He padded off into the bathroom to shave and get ready for work while I corralled the chickens back into their coop. I drove him across town to his job, all the while our hands entwined. Smiles plastered on both of our faces. Love emanating from the two of us. “I’ve got you.” I whispered internally to the baby growing inside of me. “I love you. We love you.”
Love lead the way for this wise soul to touch down and grace our lives. While trust created a space of purity for the two of us to come together and co-create an environment founded in honor and respect for the gifts this precious one has to share. The intention and energy that freely pulsed through the two of us created such a highly charged atmosphere that we wanted to share our story. We want the purity of intimacy (into me you see) to be cultivated so that it becomes the norm.
Sex is so much more than racy exploits. It is the union of two souls coming together to create. What you create is determined by both parties intentions. The energy generated from two beings coming together has the ability to change worlds. With intention, you can use that raw energy to heal, to manifest, to go deeper into the existence of life. The possibilities are infinite.
You are Loved. You ARE Love.